I have the WILL to live. HOWEVER, I am learning it is not my will that is important…..unless my will leads my motives and actions to do for others what God wills me to do. In some things I honestly feel…POWERLESS. sigh.
I am convinced I have been to Lens Crafters for a new prescription, though I have never been there. Even on good days vision is sometimes FUZZY! I have a Texan friend whom I recently saw at a class reunion named Kirk. He crafts glasses. I feel Kirk is fitting me for new glasses. Metaphorically I have had double vision for some time as I have served two masters. Kirk works at Lens Crafters. If I were less than a Texan girl living a Utah existance (Need to get this shirt), and an aspiring Mermaid with echolocation, I would have Kirk fit me for new glasses. Still, I need a new prescription. I want to see with more Godly eyes. I want to see only the good in myself and others, and be more blind to the negative in life.
Tonight is surgery eve. I am having a HER-story-ectomy. I am afraid. I am trying to imagine Christ’s arms around me. I am trying to imagine intimacy beyond the tune-up. I have so much to do……but realize I will never be fully prepared. I still have a butt-load of lesson plans to write, but I am exhausted! I am not all that effective or efficient. And yet, I choose to go to work (school) tomorrow for the final fasting, thirsting count down. I can’t think of any place, or anyone I would rather be with than at the school I love and with the children who exude pure joy, and unconditional Love. Here I can distract to a higher purpose and better focus……than myself. Or at least try to.
I called the hospital today. They told me the check-in time and what I should bring, They said I would likely spend the night. They said to bring a LIVING WILL. I decided I will not DO IT. Maybe I will write a new one. It has been 25 years since we drafted this document and assigned guardians for our tiny ones in the event they were left parentless. No telling where these documents are. Don’t think I need an attorney this time. It’s not like I am writing something Jeffersonian. So…here goes:
The Mermaid, being of not-so-sound mind, requests the following in the event that she can not make reasonable decisions regarding her health care:
If events cause and effect my physical faculties and quality of life rendering me unable to live fully and happily, then “Pull the Plug!!” If I am not able to kick box, swim, run the Damn Loop, write my stories, smile and laugh, Love and be loved, and leave a green heart chakra footprint on Utah and the world, then PULL THE PLUG!!! PALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE! Let me go, if that is God’s will.
Thank you to God for His Love, and for His Son & His Grace. For the Word. For Missionary sons and lovely daughters, and forgiving husbands and accepting friends.
And thank you to anyone and everyone who ever took a risk on me by letting down their guard to open mind and heart for the sharing.
I hope no one WILL need to use this. I do want a chance to raise test scores and resurrect some relationships.
BUT, If you did use this, please see that my family has it for my funeral.
My brother will have a good laugh anyway.
And if my fractional portion of my father’s estate ever comes to fruition, please put it toward the kids’ college.
Heidi Robertson 🙂