God makes weak things STRONG. Hm. I saw. I Read: “How High Can You Jump.” I like this. It reminds me of a blank, unversed, World Market greeting card that I purchased and gifted to a friend. It reminds me of what is increasingly expected of those meeting the needs of children in the field of education. Benchmarks, bars, objectives, cracking whips, ring masters. Wild horses. Whoa. Somehow….I hear Pastor Scott saying, “Slow down.”
The memory of the card serves as a reminder that things which are considered “Common” and “Core” are not so easy to reach any more in both academic, and heart terms. Especially among the wise and “Sage” testing us all. The picture on the card was one of two kids: a couple of litle girls in pink, mini skirts, leggings, glitter, Converse, and Keds. They are jumping “for joy.” The picture of innocense. The picture of the joy of learning, not the pain.
Back then, those beginning PLC meetings got me thinking about how much teachers are asked to do. That was years ago. Started thinking, and seven years later I am still “thinking” toward asking “How high?” Got me wanting to try harder in spite of my own limitations, and sometimes selfish motives.
I am a kind of a recovering reckless idealist, and perfectionist. It has been rough. Even so, I have learned…..I will never be perfect. I am beginning to learn this in a new church circle, but mostly from the school of hard knocks. God revealed to me a miracle called Grace. I have toted around a lot of guilt and shame.
I used to believe the lie of Perfectionism. Sometimes I still get sucked in to it. I think legislators and those caught in the gears of the education machine still subscribe erroneously to this lie, and in so doing, they perpetuate it to sometimes UGLY ends. Casualties. Causualties.
Now, I just want to be my best me…that varries on the given day…me being a recovering perfectionist. You maybe wouldn’t know it these days. I am stuck in a rut. I have tried to adopt new thinking toward redirection though. I am grateful for this journey. The changed thinking helps me to self preserve, survive the “business.” Still, I have kept the sentiment that I CAN do so much more good, and be so much more in being a better teacher and compassionate person than I think I can be, or even try to be. Most days I leave with a smile in thinking about the kids who are learning right along side me. They make it all worth it.
Some days I feel like a flea in a crazy academic culture and circus. Boing, boing, boing. Some days I think I am a pretty good performer and comedian. Occassionally, I am effective in delivering instruction, though likely not HIGHLY effective if you are only looking at “scores.” My jumping, well, looses its spring. I do, however, like the smiles I bring to childrens’ faces, and the spark I light in their minds, in my attempts to provide academic fare. Some days, I miss the mark.
Some days…. I feel I am an irritant. Some days…..I just don’t know who, or what I am. Truth is…..I am constrained by the limits of my own erred thinking, reckless speech, actions, or by the misunderstanding, or mistaken thinking owned by others about me. I think I will be in training all of my life. As such, if I could be little more than a flea, I would want to be a flying flea, and jump as high as I can. Reach for the sun, and the stars.
Positivity, better choices, and the forgiveness and patience of others is what I pray for. Lots of second, third, fourth…..chances….to risk, and to jump. If I am to be a flea in training…..I don’t want to simply settle for safe, and half way….I want to live fully as I keep trying to fly. Even if it means falling through the air in a tiny flying fox suit, like those base jumper extremists. Pull my chute at just the right moment, gliding to a somewhat softer landing than the last time. As a small flea, I want to live.
However, in this attempt, I don’t want to be an irritating pest. Nor do I want to be at the mercy of a scratching dog paw, cat claw. I actually like cats and dogs. Still, I don’t want to be dosed a flea collar, or Hartz drops. I want to be me…..a big hearted, broken, Circus flea jumper.
At the same time, if I have rubbed any creature wrong, nipped, or drawn blood….. I am sorry. It was never my intention. I am just trying to understand. I want to learn to love others and do no harm. Boing. Somehow…..there is hope. And we all bounce back. 🙂 Hope and happiness await. Today, on the coldest day of a Utah winter, at 1 degree F., I am a flea in snow boots! ha ha….. (:) Two fleas jumping in parentheses.
You train fleas by putting them in a jar with a top on it. Fleas jump, so they will jump up and hit the top over and over again. As you watch them jump and hit the top, you will notice something interesting. The fleas continue to jump, but they are no longer jumping high enough to hit the top.
Then, and it’s a matter of record, you can take the top off and though the fleas continue to jump, they won’t jump out of the jar. I repeat, they won’t jump out because they can’t. The reason is simple. They have conditioned themselves to jump just so high. Once they have conditioned themselves to jump just so high, that’s all they can do.
Many times, people do the same thing. They restrict themselves and never reach their potential. Just like the fleas, they fail…
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