Email To/From My Maltan Missionary

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From: Donavon McKay Robertson <donavon.robertson@myldsmail.net>

To: Heidi Robertson <hrobertson@nsummit.org>

Date: 03/31/2014 05:14 AM

Subject: Re: Email to my Malatan Missionary

Dear Mom:)

I love you so much!!!! I wish that I had the time to write to you as much as you write to me!!:) I love reading the things you write so much!!!!!! WRITE A BOOK I AM TELLING YOU!!!!!!!:D:D:D haha:)

This week was good:) We are teaching Alessio, the 12 year old son of Mandy and he is incredible. He is so bright and already knows so much!! We had an awesome lesson with him on Sunday about the plan of salvation an about how we can become like God one day. This fascinated him! He is on the right path, and he loves to learn:) That is in my opinion one of the most important attributes that we can attain in this life, a love for learning. I know that you have that characteristic mom:) I can tell by all of the questions that you ask:) And I love it:) Don’t stop asking, even when I act bugged, (I am really not ever bugged by this) haha;)

My companion is in his last transfer now, and in 6 weeks he will be home:) It is so awesome to be with a missionary who has experienced it all. He is so full of good advice and prospective. I hope that I can be like him when I reach the end:) I am glad funerals for “dying” missionaries aren’t like real funerals;) haha:)

I love you so much mom:)

Until next week!!!

Your son, Donavon McKay Robertson

On Mon, Mar 31, 2014 at 6:29 AM, Heidi Robertson <hrobertson@nsummit.org> wrote:

Dearest Anziano Robert…..Son Donavon,

Hi, Don.  It is Sunday night.  I am tired of sitting in this same position of neck break, poor posture.  I have been writing for hours…..only to be disappointed in the outcome of my word press post appearance.  Everything is near perfect on the doc in word or open office and then when I put it on word press and save, everything changes to disasterous……disappointment.  Makes me look like an idiot.  I am ready to give it a rest….at least for now.  Maybe I will remove this post until I can figure it out.

Anyway…….I am frustrated as you can tell.  I need to change how I feel to good……so I can bring goodness to me.   

I have concluded I should have been a philosophy, or psychology major…..you should be a self made man…..get rich and support your old mother in her learning and travel and writing adventures.  What do you think?  Or just be happy……and the rest will fall into place.

Yesterday I went by myself to a funeral for the son of a cousin I did not know.  One of the oldest daughters of Grandpa Dean’s brother, Bill Hill ( the Utah artist who lived in Wellsville and did comissioned work for the church upon occassion) Bill and Grandpa Dean did not see eye to eye and were competitive.  Evidentally Bill was married four times.  This cousin was from Bill’s first marriage.  The deceased, her son, was 35 and died of a congenital heart condition.  I wrote about the funeral.  This is the content of the frustrating word press post.  Uh huh.

Today I went to church.  I took notes in my C.S. Lewis notebook.  I sat near Ashley Woolstenhulmes family.  Delanie has a big crush on the freshman boy.  He runs the 400 m.  He ran at UVU on Saturday.  He ran the 400 m in 54 seconds.  Impressive for a freshman. I miss seeing you run.

The speakers were a couple from Henefer.  The gal is a daughter of Myron Richins, former seminary teacher in the district.  She spoke on the parable of the ten virgins.  I have questions about this parable.  Not sure I understand the response of the prepared virgins with full lamps…..why they would not share if they had more than enough.  I know the oil is symbolic.  The speaker said it stands for one’s testimony of Christ.  That each person has to find and grow one’s own belief and knowledge.  A personal relationship of conviction. 

What good is talk if ones actions do not speak this love for Christ and neighbors.  Hypocritical.  If you are going to talk the talk then walk the walk!  This is the human dilema. If feels quite bipolar…….a work week of self, service, struggling……a weekend of Jesus………a work week of self…….a weekend of Jesus.  This is a damaging cycle toward God, self and others.  And yet if we are truly honest we would admit this weakness.  That is why repentance is such an important priciple, forgiveness, mercy.   If we were more aware and doing good…..more of the time……then the feel good maybe would carry us toward more desire to continually do good.  Maybe. Dunno.  I am ADHD and distracted to self and sin more than I should be. ha ha  There is a guy though who says the ADD does not exist.  There is an advertisement in Psychology Today on this.

Back to the virgins and testimony.   In letting light shine for others to see, half of these girls were prepared.  I get this.  Half were not.  I get this.  Half had the advantage and entered in with the Bridegroom.  I get this.  The prepared would not share…..I don’t get this…they withhold. Why?  The others were sent off to buy more oil.  To leave I think is stupid.  Maybe I have this all wrong.  I don’t think I would have left.  I would have been happy if only to see, to speak, to touch the hem of His cloak, even if I could not have entered……maybe….rather than run the risk of NOT seeing Him at all.  in being BUSY rushing for more oil I would have maybe not seen Him. BESIDES…. Perhaps the best oil comes from HIM and can not be purchased or borrowed from others regardless the human source.  

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Now days with smart phones and internet….I should have some oil shipped maybe…..buy enough and get free shipping….jk…..I have concluded…….THIS OIL CAN NOT BE BOUGHT…..not monitarily…..maybe with a broken heart and contrite spirit. 🙂 Otherwise, I think Jesus has already paid for the oil……HE HAS IT AND WILL MAYBE BLESS US WITH IT…..sort of like consecrated oil….maybe….or not.  I should ask Him or God.

I would be curious to hear the conversation that would have transpired between the unprepared and Jesus…what would Jesus have said? What tone of voice would he use…Would he use a rhetorical questions? or another parable? …Maybe the scriptures provide this…. and maybe I just missed it.  I need to re read this in Matthew 25, obviously.  

So many of life’s questions can only be addressed, (can they be answered?) by living, loving, suffering…..toward wisdom, and silent submission to God’s will. Ulitimatley….NO PERSON can supply answers for us.  We just try to ease the pain for each other or justify one anothers mistakes.  Pretty much.. Ask for KNOWLEDGE, TRUTH…Missionaries try to provide relief.  Teachers try. But life is so individual, really. Everyone is different….Everone is the same. This life is full of oxymorons. Sometimes I feel I am a moron who needs oxy-cleaning.  

We DO so many things.  Write, discuss, talk until we are blue in the face to WHAT END? To inform, To entertain, To persuade, To share feelings….TO WHAT END AND TO WHAT POINT?  DEATH…..to the end and to a new beginning?   WE are born, we breathe, we feel, we love, we hurt, we joy, WE DIE.  WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON TO LEARN IN THIS LIFE?  FOR THAT MATTER, AS A TEACHER…..WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT LESSON FOR ME TO TEACH 9-10 year olds?  KINDNESS?  RESPECT?  TO LOVE OTHERS?  TO LOVE SELF?  TO TAKE RISKS? TO BELIEVE?  TO LOVE LEARNING?  It has been proposed……..THE COMMON CORE….okay….YES..TO PASS TESTS……uh bluck……TO CREATE?   TO THINK? TO QUESTION?

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ARE you still considering being a teacher?  IF so, you are in for one crazy ride DONAVON!   Do you and Samantha keep in close communication? The Roberston siblings are going to clean out grandma’s house and ready it to be rented.  We’ll see.  The pipe line is still at an impass. The Hoytsville group will likely condemn the E. Wanship group to gain right of way….maybe sue for cost and delay. This worries me. I will likely outlife your father and be faced with this.

I think being with Jesus…..hearing him in person would surpass any of my futile efforts to read and to understand God’s word.  IN JESUS’ absense, this is all we have though, secondary accounts, imprefectly translated, imprefectily humanly read and interpretted holy text….aside from revelation.

The holy spirit guides…… I guess I should be more grateful for general conference.  I am too selective I suppose in what I give my focus and attention to…..in what I follow and obey…..  I believe much, and doubt much more…anymore.  My vision is often clouded. I have trouble with judgmental people and exclusive claims in our doctorine, theology, and other people. ..and yet I am this thing at times.  I thirst and hunger for more MERCY, LOVE, GRACE.  The longer I live……the more I realize how imperfect I am.  Why do Latter day saints not gravitate to these mentioned topics……..so heavy on WORKS, JUSTICE, JUDGEMENT..guilt…..fear……exclusivism……competitiveness…I think some confuse the culture for the theology……miss the heart of it……..the Christianity.  Dunno…….I am no Saint.

 I wish for this in personal meeting with Jesus, although I fear it. I think…..why would Jeus want to meet with me any more than any other person would or would not want to speak with me.  I am annoying mostly. I would like a one on one with Jesus in spite of my weaknesses….or the pain and guilt I will likely feel….the longer I live, and the more suffering I experience…..how much worse could it be?…..HE LOVES ME. IN SPITE OF ME….  Heart to heart….spirit to spirit……source to source, plus or minus secondary recorded sources is always the best communication I think. Idealistically, in theory any way.  

How to understand what people are saying in spoken and or written communication. This is tough.  Subjective.  How to understand when there is NO communication.  Fairly impossible.  I think one must become skilled in communicating.  Largely in  listening……to others with the help of  the holy spirit, but also in asking questions.  

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Questioning is something that comes so naturally  to me.  Other people do not like people who ask questions, I think.  Questioning complicates matters for many people, prolongs meeetings,  challenges authority, belabors processes….It is perceived as confrontational…tones and nuances misunderstood…and yet how can one understand and know without asking? How does one clarify?  Then again, some questions just do not have answers, I think.  How does one know when to ask and when to fall silent toward patience and submission?  I live a frustrated life.

If I had Jesus with me I wonder how I would feel about asking questions?  I wonder if I would whimp out. I do this with others in authority.  Any more I question my own self more than I should……toward self deprecation and damage…then at times I swing to aggrandation in an attempt to feel better, more confident, more positive…I need a middle ground…..a place of rest and peace….it is called SUMMER I THINK……

I sometimes don’t feel confident or trust my judgement, motives at times.  Sometimes my decisions are not the best. I question self, sometimes choose the opposite of what I want..this is recently expermental..l.  I do this to prevent making mistakes……only it makes me feel weak…..less than the confident happy person I once felt and saw myself as.   I am remaking me…….how do I do this in the image of Christ and less in my own?

Pray always…..feast on the word…say less…..listen more….I must be mindful of the law of attraction in being more positive……

How are you Donavon?   Tell me stuff…..PLEASE!

There was a women’s conference but I did not view it yet.  It is on the LDS.org website I’m sure.

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The other night the girls went to a movie called Divergent. I saw the end of it after my movie ended.  This is based on  a trillogy of books that I have not read.  I was missing you and went to the sequel of the movie 300.  This was pretty much a mistake.  I closed my eyes for most of the movie because if was so violent and offensive.  Left feeling that I should better recognize and shun the influences of darkness and evil in all forms……rated R or otherwise.  

The writing was very formula…..set up for a blood bath and one very rough sex scene.  So I think I should have gone to the Lego movie. I could have BUILT on this anyway. ha ha…

Dad and the girls went to see a movie last night called NOAH.  I had wanted to view this, but I was too tired to do so after being at the funeral in Orem most of the day.  NOAH did not get great reviews in his day, nor did he in our day either…ha ha… I am glad I did not see this thing.  I feel I would have been disappointed.  

Some time ago I saw an exellent movie however called SON OF GOD.  My cousin Clay also loved this movie very much.  It was so fun to chat with him.  He is aunt Faye’s son and writes poetry and stories frequently.  I remember one he wrote about Grandpa Hill’s train set.   Clay and family live out by the West Jordan temple.  He was the one positive voice at the funeral and luncheon.  Everyone else was sad and spoke of poor health conditions.  This is often the case with funeral situations.  Some funerals are so young with children and chaos…I prefer this ..others so old and depressing toward countdown to a death contest.  Crazy.  

Funerals are strange I think. They focus on the life of the deceased, and yet…they are for the living. Yes.  I would like to hear what Jesus thinks about funerals. If he showed up for a few, maybe he would just raise the dead and the event would spin to something very different indeed.  A real Lazarus affair. Tears of joy toward celebration.  This could change the face of so many things. Obama Care would be threatened with Jesus back healing and raising the dead.  Insurance companies would be in a mess not doubt.   OMGosh there I go again……my imagination runs away.

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Friday we got new phones.  Delanie got an Iphone S5 and Devon got a Samsung Galaxy 5S…..something like that.  What kind do you think I got? ha ha

So much to learn with it.  It will be fun.  I love it.  It is more expensive, but the conveniences are nice. My old phone did not work. It would have made a nice door stop.  It would not dial, or track.  I grew to not even miss it or use it much.  We must mail these old phones to the company.  We got you a phone to replace your old one….it is a Samsung Galaxy.  Dad is going to switch over to this one and get rid of his work phone……not really sure what he is doing in detail.

Opera tryouts are in full swing.  This is wonderful. I anticipate making childrens’ dreams come true in their wishing for a favorite part to be cast for.

Conference is coming soon.  I will try to watch and listen more than I usually do.  Tough when it is warm and sunny to stay put when Nature calls.

I am going by myself to Arizona on Easter weekend to see Justin and Cheryl Johnson…..also the Mesa Temple Easter Pageant. Dad and the girls are staying home for an Easter egg hunt…..maybe….or just sit around, eat candy, watch movies and play on devices.  Wow! The chickens are laying really well again. We have tons of eggs and don’t eat them enough. Must give some away.

Testing starts soon at school.  Not sure I agree with what is happening with the testing.  I have been reading anti testing and anti Common Core materials……and I have a lot of questions…..mostly pertaining to use of the data and data collectiing…….also toward controlled or bias test questions. So many questions were flagged and ultimately eliminated when the the Utah Offcie of Eduacation reviewed these.  Cheryl said I should have Delanie opt out of testing….although….I think she may have already completed the controversial writing prompt I have recently read about (Alpine District?).  It asks “Who do you think should control students’ use of technology and internet resources?   Parents,  Government, or another organization?  Does this mean…..School control? We have this already.

Many 13-14 year olds don’t know squat about  government control, or even who or what OTHER organizations are, so this pits parents against government.  What will be done with the data collected from this writing test?  How will it be used?  Side effects of testing can be damaging to schools and to teacher pay.  i have been talking with Cheryl and she gets me riled up.  She is less affected in her situation at a Charter school than we are here. I likely need to pipe down.

I don’t want to make trouble, but I have to understand and do what I feel is ethically right for students, for my child, for me as a parent……while still being true and supportive to the process and establishment at my school……not sure …dont want to be viewed as a subversive but something does NOT feel right with the testing culture….if testing is going to be used against teachers then I have real issues and real reservations about rolling over and blindly following.  I think I will speak with my boss…..ask questions.  What will she say?  Maybe…..”Be quiet.”

I am tired and just plain worn out mentally.  Can’t wait to swim.  Hope the pool has cooled down.  Went to Kamas Rec. on Friday.  It was awesome!  

Hope you have a great week!     Love, mom.  PS- I will attach my ridiculous funeral story…..I guess.  BAH!!!   I love you.  🙂

 

 

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About hrobertson2013

“Each man ( and mermaid) will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land”. Isa 32:2 NIV Warning: The author of this blog is not an ordinary individual. Even Mermaids need a rest from all that's real and grown up. Welcome to the wonder of blog. Come be audience to all that's wet and wild in her stories, poems and thoughts. Instructor by day, super hero by night, and mystical mermaid by summer. Whenever she has the fortune of diving into a pond, reservoir, or mountain waterfall, you'll find her there swimming, and singing songs of life.
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