e-mail from the Sick Room

a vampire kid

(This email is a spoof on a teacher’s sometimes reality, and is meant to be taken in good fun.  That’s all. Really.)

Friday, January 17, 2014

 Mrs. Robertson,

I hope you are feeling better. You were looking so blue-lipped and pale the other day.   Please rest assured that your children are doing well. 

 It has been an eventful day, and even with the heat back on, it has been rather cold here. In all of this, we have gotten wind of the registration of a new student.

 You will be getting the new student as you have the fewest number of fourth graders now, with an odd twenty-one. In spite of them dropping like flies from the flu pandemic, thank you for your willingness to welcome another student into our school family.  

 Plan on attending an emergency team meeting Monday at noon to discuss said student’s needs and accommodations required per IEP and request of student’s parents.   Father, Lucifero Hades Ortiz, and mother, Vampira delCulpo. For some strange reason they were adamant on a 12:00 midnight meeting. The speech and language representative could not do this, so we will stick with noon. Bring your lunch.  Dad is Spanish and mother Romanian.  They have most recently come from Helsinki and are a well traveled family.  This will be an adventure.

 As you might expect language will be an issue, as well as cultural differences. Professional development with be provided, ongoing. The boy will fit in well with the change in dress code, adoption of black uniforms. However,  please check to see that you are current and up-to-date in First Aide and Blood Pathogen Training. You have a lot at stake in this. Make sure you supply him with the customary clear, see through backpack. The nurse has ordered a rolling I.V. stand.  Until it arrives the backpack can double for a pint pack.

 In an attempt to prepare for the student’s arrival on Monday I am providing his name so you can get a head start on name tags and supplies.  His name is:

 Rigor M. Ortiz

 We will know more about him after the meeting. He may be overly shy and stiff at first until he looses up with the others. He does have some physical limitations in that he is quite rigid and does not move well, or very quickly. Sometimes level of consciousness is an issue, and he keeps a very strict diet.  The lunch ladies have been notified of his high protein requirements. Don’t think the customary chicken nuggets will cut it.  He may not be able to eat the snacks normally provided. 

  Also, you may want to consider seating him near the edge, or rear of the classroom for ease in operating the electric wheeled coffin.  He will also have a companion aide with him, Ms. Hiss.  She will blend in and supply specific directives.

 I appreciate all you do to LOVE and to TEACH ALL students.  We can all do our part to provide more RIGOR in our instruction as professionals.  RIGOR is the Best Practices topic I will be looking for in my classroom visits this month. 

 Maybe you can find a part for the student, RIGOR, in your class opera.  This will go far in promoting good PR. He is really good with special effects, and can work a crowd when he is in form.  You will not be disappointed with his flapping to clapping performance. 

 Parents in the community will be completing the “Satisfaction Survey” in only a few weeks.  We would do well to keep this in mind as we celebrate the remaining weeks of the 100 year Celebration. Let’s keep the public happy.

 Again thank you for all you do in helping students to love learning and to love themselves. I’m sure Rigor will love the new friends he makes.

 I will be in to do a refresher of Safe Schools and Safe interaction between students.  I also have a new measurement device for Desk Proximity, Suicide Watch, & What to do when the innocent looking nine-year-old “eye tooth”  is really a Vampire fang.” We will be discussing the video. Maybe your students can write when they return.

Otherwise, I will be taking your students for ART this afternoon.  We will be studying “still life.” The pencils we have been using, #3,  are a little stiff, but the kneaded erasers are pliable and work great.  Have students bring sketch pads for a brief cemetery review.  Oops, I meant symmetry review.

 PLC on Wednesday.  TOPIC: Incorporating music into the Rigor of Sage Testing Preparation. Please listen to the linked Itunes song:  “It’s the End of the Year as We Know it!” in preparation for this meeting. Ballet West will be spotlighting a dance component of the Common Core, and will briefly perform a couple of takes from their currently running  show, “Dracula.” 

 I also have the e-cigarette that was removed from Siegfried at recess yesterday.  His mother will be by to pick it up and to talk with me. It was no smoking dragon under the drainage grate on School House Hill as was suspected.  It was your student.  Please don’t let this worry you though.  Breath as deeply as you can, and continue in a good faith effort to teach science when you return.

 See you on Monday in good health, with more rigor…I mean with Rigor M. Ortiz.

All the best, 


Principal  O’Wecandosomuchmore 🙂



About hrobertson2013

“Each man ( and mermaid) will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land”. Isa 32:2 NIV Warning: The author of this blog is not an ordinary individual. Even Mermaids need a rest from all that's real and grown up. Welcome to the wonder of blog. Come be audience to all that's wet and wild in her stories, poems and thoughts. Instructor by day, super hero by night, and mystical mermaid by summer. Whenever she has the fortune of diving into a pond, reservoir, or mountain waterfall, you'll find her there swimming, and singing songs of life.
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One Response to e-mail from the Sick Room

  1. hrobertson2013 says:

    ha ha…The day after MLK Day, and first day back to school after writing this piece, I got a new student. He is no vampire though. He is an angel. 🙂

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