by Heidi Robertson 🙂

Just when I think I have figured some things out…….I find out I haven’t. Persevere anyway!

At the end of the school day, amidst the bustle to buses, the rush to finish the last few math homework problems, queries of “Did’nt you say I could clip up,” and “I put the chairs down first thing this morning,” the intercom reminds teachers to “Please remember there is a PLC meeting in the library….” I was propped against my reading group table at the back of the room. I was holding it up with my strong kick, drill, swim legs and waiting to rush to the bathroom before the application of “Kathy’s chemicals.” I was pondering the sum of teaching efforts, both successes and failures.

How did officer Hemingway put it this morning in our lap swim exchange of compliments and school curiousities ofTitan, his son, a student I taught last school year, and Pizza Hut Commercials, were  swim soup topics? By this time the pond had pretty well emptied of it’s regular oyster crakers and rubber ducks, some with swim noodles, kick boards and snorkels. Only the die hards remaining in a cool down.

This is when a puffing Officer Hemingway treated me in calling me a female version of Michael Phelps. Not true of course…..but it felt good. Especially coming from a peace officer donning Emperor’s new clothes, and reminding me of my boundaries. If anyone looked and felt vunerable in that very moment… was not me. It felt good to feel strong in my power, fake as it was.

The day ended much as it had begun in an exhausted reduction of “Good job” other and self talk and “Thank yous” from children in giving and receiving “Stars’ and hugs.  I told Tami, “I haven’t felt this good at the end of a swim in a long time. I feel soooo incredibly good.” A kind of workout climax. Hard to explain. Must have been dopamine, or oxytonins firing my entire self on a totally cellular level. Warm all over, yet not sweaty… all alive in the joy of it and in making all consuming ATP in training and toning mind and body. Wow! Must be the reward of doing difficult things without doubting. Having pushed past a level of mental blocking to a union of body and mind in believing. In feeling this good……it is much easier to love myself. Law of Attraction somehow…..even though I had not been thinking it to me. Weird.

Things that went right:

  1. The My Math lesson/ practice of skills: algorithm, distributive property, showing reasonablness using estimation, resurrected “dudsville markers” still oozing live-giving black ink.

  2. No problems with playground football.

  3. No one getting yelled at in the lunchroom by the lunch Nazi.

  4. The sharing of miracle stories, and pirana stories, and forks in the road stories, and near drowning stories and death defiance.

  5. Practice of vocabulary words robustly, explicitly in recording in camoflauged notebooks, and SIOPly in a dimly lit room, using a google image guessing game I like to play in Anita Archer form. “Everyone…..everyone…… “

  6. Every school day full of miracles…..really…even among corndogs and enchilladas.

  1. Wixie training at PLCs. Felt a lot like being in a deep, cool, forest with blinking fairies.

  2. Submission of Teacher at Sea Application and reception of email informing that a letter of recommendation has been submitted. 🙂

9 Meeting with Kathryn from Swaner and early development of instruction for grant fieldtrip

9.5   Voting on an idea for OPERA.  Gotta get to work!

10 . A letter from Aunt Jeanne of Tooele, and a most expressive lover’s email to raise heart rate.

    1. A giant box of Honeycombs from Food Town

      12. Mark fixing the dusty sheet rock hole- in- the wall next to the toilet. A square numbered hole in the wall. Progress. Change. Still a hole but a better hole….ha ha. Considered covering this with plexiglass and doing a study into The Way Things Work, Clock works orange.

      13. A glorious deep blue, deep rub massage by Jodi fit for Roman gods.

      1. A coach to coach exchange and feeling validated and listened to in my opinions…wow.

      2. Arriving home at last! Hooray! To a hot shower and wind down blogging.

      3. Jimmer happily greeting me in the front yard by the singing apple tree.

      4. Climbing into bed and into my cozy floral, flannel night shirt. My husband.

  1. Delanie vieing for my attention.

  2. Rereading the lover’s email.

  3. Reading. Writing.

  4. Blessed sleep.

All of this and more goodness………..and then, WHAM! Remembering mistakes.

In an instance everything seemingly beautiful, lovely and of good report, instantly nullified in assuming a silly student annoyance approach. Turns out it wasn’t a student after all. Instead someone seeking clarification. And me, giving…returning a brash, “Go sit down! I’m helping_________ with problem number….” At this….at the end of the day, I found myself forming a magnetic name tag and clipping myself down to “Time to Think.” This,  a lesson in “equipartitioning.” Equi-accountability. Assigning myself directives.

The day felt empty in absenses….but full at the same time in breathability.

Setting things right, a slight eleviation, but requiring later appologies and a trip to Nena’s Mexican Market to find Anahee to make the appology sure. Better and fitting like a factory worker’s sun bonnet.

I am convinced that there are as many ways to say “I’m sorry,” as there are ways to say “I love you.”

NOW………I feel another list coming on………………………soon. I will expound tomorrow maybe.     🙂


About hrobertson2013

“Each man ( and mermaid) will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land”. Isa 32:2 NIV Warning: The author of this blog is not an ordinary individual. Even Mermaids need a rest from all that's real and grown up. Welcome to the wonder of blog. Come be audience to all that's wet and wild in her stories, poems and thoughts. Instructor by day, super hero by night, and mystical mermaid by summer. Whenever she has the fortune of diving into a pond, reservoir, or mountain waterfall, you'll find her there swimming, and singing songs of life.
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