Reprise

Forme-ing Words That Make Me Strong

 

I am….me.

Love. Cloud. Dream.

Sequoia trunk ascending.

Expansive Soul

Rescinding aura racing body type

Questioning Water. Fire. Light.

Imagining just what might

Be blundering Rhyme Scheme

Wrong and right.

 

 Should I submit to you?

Fly or fight?

Uncertain what to assertain

I do…in waiting, crying, trusting you

Trusting that you will entreat what’s best

Now you must know me better….

Than the rest or even me.

 

I must be.

 

In being Write by me

in making marks I’m something more than some.

In this I am. I have a voice

A choice in someone who “can.”

So I’ll exist…in my resisting

I’m good at this.

Must be a core belief

Could be a lie

Not willing yet to change this thing

Devoid of giving over will

And yet I want to try still

As this the law

of God, and Man, and Mother Nature

to be reduced

Recycled, reused, refused.

 

Or else…No pain

No feeling. Sunless skies.

No rain. No divine proof

No whispering the name of youth.

No name except for dust

 

No wind for all errosion taking

Or waves….or Summer makings

For goodness saking

or shimmering Hellos

in Autumn Aspen quakings

Only to wash up in Goodbyes

On fallen, drowning swollen eyes

 

It’s no surprise I’m salty

and made for this

that in the end I’m still and silent

A foreign mermaid suppliant

in lonely pic nic ing

lieing prone upon the desert sand

few living drops in hand…

 

I understand the whack pack spanking

And somehow I am thanking you for owls.

Lowest, closest to my Source,

to my true and humblest self

It’s been a long time since I entertained this sad companion

 

A whispy, raspy, labored last and final breath

And what if…

In eating apples upside down

For what it’s worth in worms

I die

Of course I will not choke

This is a sick repeating riddle or a joke

In eating shriveled chokecherries

and bounding down the mountain

in chewing stems and seeds

in your approach

At least I ‘d like to think……

I’m swallowing a kinder peace.

 

I breath relief for a short moment.

I want to smile. To thank you.

This not my cue, but still I want to.

Can not. Won’t.

In leeryness I’ve learned to cry much better now.

I used to be so good at smiling.

 

I’d like to think no more reproach

No more pride. No anger for me

Inside of you

In SOPs of loving self too much

This I know…

Please know that I am sorry.

I never meant to harm you… only love.

It would feel so much better now in starting new.

To think I could have even touched

the hem of flapping wings

in writing rave reviews

in gifting things

And visitings.

 

I thought I’d found a freedom

and a friend in loving you

In the end…..simply not true.

You found a demon in me.

In watching others come and go to you

could only hope to be them. I think,

This thing is dead awaiting resurrection.

 

Have really only forged these chains.

And now I dangle more deranged

Like tarnished broken keys upon the wall.

the Master’s plan I’m sure

still I am jingling jangling in singeing sand

in the teasing and the sentencing

Reminded of my place here on the hill.

 

Somehow I know

I never should have thought myself

an equal, or a playmate, or ……

a writer to you.

 

Still, I am sure that you’ll find form for me

in some Creation you have yet to speak

In framing a design for these my weaknesses

You’ll make me strong…….I think.

And I will love you for it.

 

 

Humbling

 

You speak

You look at me

I don’t know what to think

and so I don’t.

Just choke in unbelief

Just hold it down

What use in hoping now

You, I….We

No.

I don’t know if there ever was

a “We”

And yet, “We” have undone me

And I’m reduced to silent Thank Yous

in this humbling.

 

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About hrobertson2013

“Each man ( and mermaid) will be like a shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm, like streams of water in the desert and the shadow of a great rock in a thirsty land”. Isa 32:2 NIV Warning: The author of this blog is not an ordinary individual. Even Mermaids need a rest from all that's real and grown up. Welcome to the wonder of blog. Come be audience to all that's wet and wild in her stories, poems and thoughts. Instructor by day, super hero by night, and mystical mermaid by summer. Whenever she has the fortune of diving into a pond, reservoir, or mountain waterfall, you'll find her there swimming, and singing songs of life.
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