AWAITING FIRE WORKS by Heidi Robertson 7/4/2013
There’s been a ban on fireworks in Summit County
The warden’s claiming “Fire danger”
Put out the warning
but what of all the rain we’ve had?
Hey, I’m not buying it…..bottle rockets, Roman candles
Everywhere in grocery stores on roadside stands
I fear the 4th will prove ultra boring.
Anyway, how’d they know about the lousy shows
Last summer and the year before, two in a row….
Calculated, still producing duds, Tie-dyed colors blown
Our pyrotechnics were precisely in a row
but sadly lacking
Lost their firecracking
I feel I can’t wait anymore for things to work
A woman needs a man and more and more…. she needs fireworks
Went out to play…. Came home again black and blue
When all the other kids were dining and deserting
I was bruised and crying
The bully’s called Peyronie
He really throws a curve
And when he’s up to bat, line drive’s to third
but mostly fouls and rarely makes it home.
No score. He’s lost the zone.
So my legal lawful toy is broken and
I think I don’t deserve this rubber bat……
Libido doesn’t know just what to say to that
Pray, make a plan….
There’s a sale at ToysRUs today
and I am open to extreme couponing.
Shop, but item’s OUT OF STOCK!
Curl in a sweaty ball just wanting him off
Wish he could go straight from work
from Dick’s…… Sporting the goods.
Want it like it used to be when the sex was…
Should have put US first
before I chose career and kids
I’m forever learning how not to fear
Back pedaling in don’t ask, don’t telling
that you still enjoy what I once did but shouldn’t have.
Now I’m annoyed…..you’re dangling promises of hits and runs
but cant’ deploy and me the loser.
I choose to lay by quietly
to understand denyingly,
I push rewind to foreplay’s wet excitement
heat up until my crock pot’s been ignited
Yes! Sometimes his isn’t so bad after all.
But in my mind a turtle race,
and I feel banned from these high places,
More and more…..Acrophobia,
Left lone to wander dreary temple grounds
hide and seeking, over sleeping
no fun in keeping covenants these days
With Grandma gone instead of me
I Wonder if with her, he’d been much happier
at least she believed, cooked and cleaned
I think that he may still be grieving that loss
and so I toss and turn
And in the name of Mother-in-laws
and homemade applesauce
I’m Sorry I’m so lazy and so bosy
Now you’re without your mom and lover too.
It’s not my fault she fell….
I fell for you
You the rescuer,
Who would think a broken arm would bring an end to
Everything before this pre DICK ament!
everything we might have been
I’d like to think we’re bent, not broken
We’re more than this thing is
but since she’s been gone, reduced to something less than friends
Seldom kissing, not missing conversation
beginning and ending, wondering goodnights
Thank God no fights
Me, always more comfortable with men than I should be
defending enmity toward women
stupidly obtaining and maintaining outside looks
and games of conquest or denial
All the while to satisfy my pride
All the time trying to keep the smile for vows and rules alive
I miss the tools
and on the side I keep a Mister and a memory of him in my mind
from time to time I see my second family
Pooling assets in bluebonnet country style
Lapping up youth like a happy labrador
Believing less is more.
A lie this time.
Truth is, this year for Mother’s Day
I didn’t ask for gifts and nothing much was given
Next year I’m asking for a concubine.
Reversed poligamy and I’m not fibbing!
Fine! I need someone for making love
to feel desired, the envy of
And my ego’s…ready to pay someone named Ronie.
Again in this I sin…
Coveting a husband like my high school friend’s
not twelve years older, twelve below her
in spite of being on top
a newer knower, improved lover
G**! I’ll show her!
I play with notions of my college past
Think of all the questions that I might have asked but didn’t…
nearly thirty years worth
to see his face, an open book
tired and retired, but still the same
the pilot light aflame
Funny, I almost hear you call my name
In early mornings steal into my dreams
and leave me pleading more
Click away and back again
caught in the Inter- net and friending
These wrongful wants are dashed as you too have moved on
put me behind a younger wife
And now two girls somewhat like my own
They have my nose but not my quincinera
It isn’t fair you know…..it might have been us
Just goes to show the Phoenix rises from the ashes
I’ve learned more in the heartbreak than diplomas
True, I have the memories……. but Chapter’s closed….
You haven’t called my name for years
At least I haven’t heard it
We never met, or phoned or facebooked
And yet sometimes I think I’d love to see you, read you
And you read me
criticing what I’ve written, publishing and loving me
Again and again
Fear I might be smitten
You’re written on my heart
I must not let this happen
Can’t start to let this happen with children and these trappings
It’s not so easy preventing making love
and pulling out might be difficult because
I somehow feel that you would make exceptions
just as before
I cannot take this drug this time
Concealing weapons pack a 45
the conejitos softly stroke my mind and hop away
forsaking teamo para siempre
But I cannot shoot them. Rebox the blanks.
So many times I thought your face, tu verga
your YOU inside of me and calling out your name
expressively in climax
Sometimes ashamed and sometimes not so much
I realize I’ve forged hell chains with thoughts of such
Still carry these with me
along with broken toys, and not-so- little boys,
and noise inside my head, and empty beds
the sins build up
much like a yeasty urinal
can’t be forgotten….and the smell, G**!
The ring won’t go away unles you clean it
Disinfect and bleach it.
I’m sorry Mark
Check the chart “Needs cleaning” and leave the scene
Still believing that fireworks will come
Though few and far between………
I think on love and on abundance
Sometimes the rockets do explode and I am grateful for the pinks and greens and golds……
and wedding rings